THE LIFE OF ANTONINUS HELIOGABALUS
by Aelius Lampridius
Translated by David Magie, Ph. D., for the Loeb Classical Library (1924)
I. The life of Elagabalus Antoninus, also called Varius [His original
name was Varius Avitus. He was the son of Julia Soaemias (or Symiamira)
and Sex. Varius Marcellus. In order to strengthen his claim to the
throne his grandmother Maesa declared that he was the naturally son of
Caracalla (see Caracalla, ix. 2), and he became emperor under the name
of M. Aurelius Antoninus, by which he was officially known; in his
inscriptions he is regularly styled son of Antoninus (Caracalla) and
grandson of Severus. As the hereditary priest of Elagabalus, the
patron-deity of Emesa, he was called by the name of his god, but this
name was never official, and there is no evidence that it was applied
to him during his lifetime. This name the Latin writers always
reproduce in the erroneous form Heliogabalus. He is sometimes called
Bassianus, but there is no real evidence that he ever bore this name.
-- DM], I should never have put in writing, -- hoping that it might not
be known that he was emperor of the Romans --, were it not that before
him this same imperial office had had a Caligula, a Nero, and a
Vitellius. But, just as the selfsame earth bears not only poisons but
also grains and other helpful things, not only serpents but flocks as
well, so the thoughtful reader may find himself some consolation for
these monstrous tyrants by reading of Augustus, Trajan, Vespasian,
Hadrian, Pius, Titus and Marcus. At the same time, he will learn of the
Romans' discernment, in that these last ruled long and died by natural
deaths, whereas the former were murdered, dragged through the streets,
officially called tyrants, and no man wishes to mention even their
names.
Now when Macrinus had been slain and also his son Diadumenianus, who
had been given an equal share of the power and also the name Antoninus,
the imperial office was bestowed upon Varius Elagabalus, solely because
he was reputed to be the son of Bassianus. As a matter of fact, he was
the priest of Elagabalus (sometimes called Jupiter, or the Sun) [The
patron-god of Emesa, where he was worshipped in the form of a black
conical stone, supposed to have fallen from Heaven; see Herodian, v. 3,
5. He was popularly regarded as a sun-god, and in Rome after his
importation by the new Emperor (see iii. 4) he was officially called
Deus Sol Elagabalus or Invictus Sol Elagabalus. This identification was
responsible for the erroneous form Heliogabalus, applied both to the
god and to the emperor. -- DM], and had merely assumed the name
Antoninus in order to prove his descent or else because he had learned
that this name was so dear to mankind that for its sake even the
parricide Bassianus had been greatly beloved. Originally, he had the
name Varius, but later he was called Elagabalus because he was priest
of this god -- whom he afterwards brought with him from Syria to Rome,
founding a temple for him on the site of an earlier shrine of Orcus.
Finally, when he received the imperial power, he took the name
Antoninus and was the last of the Antonines to rule the Roman Empire.
II. He was wholly under the control of his mother, Symiamira [The
correct form of her name is Julia Soaemias Bassiana; on her coins she
is regularly called Julia Soaemias Augusta. The peculiar forms
Symiamira and Symiasera, as she is called by Eutropius (viii. 22), have
not been satisfactorily explained. They may be derivations from the
name of the Syrian goddess Simea. -- DM], so much so, in fact, that he
did no public business without her consent [this is over-stated; the
controlling influence was that of Maesa. -- DM], although she lived
like a harlot and practised all manner of lewdness in the palace. For
that matter, her amour with Antoninus Caracalla was so notorious that
Varius, or rather Elagabalus, was commonly supposed to be his son. The
name Varius, some say, was given him by his school-fellows because he
seemed to be sprung from the seed of "various" men, as would be the
case with the son of a harlot [See note to i. 1. The manner of life
imputed to Soaemias in this passage is certainly much exaggerated and
quite in keeping with the general tone of this biography. An amour
between her and Gannys, her son's tutor, is alluded to in Dio (lxxix.
6, 2). -- DM]. And then, when his reputed father Antoninus was slain by
Macrinus' treachery, he sought refuge in the temple of Elagabalus the
god, as in a sanctuary, for fear that Macrinus would kill him; for
Macrinus and his wasteful and brutal son were wielding the imperial
power with the greatest cruelty. [There is no evidence, however, that
Macrinus showed any cruelty to the relatives of Caracalla. Dio
(lxxviii. 23, 2) emphasizes his considerate treatment of Julia Domna.
The statement (repeated also by Victor, Caes., xxiii. 1) that
Elagabalus fled to the temple at Emesa is a wholly incorrect inference
from his permanent residence there as hereditary high priest. -- DM].
But enough concerning his name -- though he defiled this venerated name
of the Antonines, which you, Most Sacred Constantine, so revere that
you have had portrayed in gold both Marcus and Pius together with the
Constantii and the Claudii, as though they too were your ancestors,
just as you have adopted the virtues of the ancients which are
naturally suited to your own character, and pleasing and dear to you as
well.
III. But let us return to Varius Antoninus. After obtaining the
imperial power he despatched couriers to Rome [from Antioch; see Dio,
lxxix. 1. -- DM], and there all classes were filled with enthusiasm,
and a great desire for him was aroused in the whole people merely at
the mention of the name Antoninus, now restored, as it seemed, not in
an empty title (as it had been in the case of Diadumenianus), but
actually in the blood -- for he had signed himself son of Antoninus
Bassianus [he also assumed all the Imperial titles; see Dio, lxxix. 2,
2. -- DM]. He had the prestige, furthermore, which usually comes to a
new ruler who has succeeded a tyrant; this is permanent only when the
highest virtues are present and has been lost by many a mediocre
emperor.
In short, when Elagabalus' message was read in the senate, at once good
wishes were uttered for Antoninus and curses on Macrinus and his son
[according to Dio, lxxix. 2, and Herodian, v. 5, 2 the senate acclaimed
him emperor only out of fear of the soldiers. -- DM] , and, in
accordance with the general wish and the eager belief of all in his
paternity, Antoninus was hailed as emperor. Such are the pious hopes of
men, who are quick to believe when they wish the thing to come true
which their hearts desire.
As soon as he entered the city [in July, 219; he spent the winter of
218-219 at Nicomedia in Bithynia; see v. 1. -- DM], however, neglecting
all the affairs of the provinces, he established Elagabalus as a god on
the Palatine Hill close to the imperial palace [he brought the sacred
stone of Elagabalus to Rome with him and built two temples for the god,
one on the Palatine -- the so-called Eliogabalium -- and the other in
the suburb known as Ad Spem Veterem east of the city, near the modern
Porta Maggiore; nothing is known of the Aedes Orci mentioned in i. 6.
-- DM]; and he built him a temple, to which he desired to transfer the
emblem of the Great Mother, the fire of Vesta, the Palladium, the
shields of the Salii, and all that the Romans held sacred, purposing
that no god might be worshipped at Rome save only Elagabalus [His plan
was to unite all cults and to make Elagabalus the chief deity of Rome;
see Dio, lxxix. 11, 1; Herodian v. 5, 7. He particularly desired to
form a union between his god and Vesta as the representative of the
Roman state, and to this end he transferred to the Eliogabalium the
fire of Vesta and the sacred objects kept in her temple, such as the
Ancilia and the Palladium. The latter, an image of Pallas, supposedly
of Trojan origin, he seems to have regarded as the image of Vesta, who,
in fact, was not represented in image-form. He further symbolised the
union between the two deities by his own marriage with a Vestal; see
vi. 6 and note. Since his combination of these cults aroused the
greatest indignation in Rome, he divorced the Vestal and chose a new
consort for his god in the Carthaginian deity Caelestis, whose image
was brought to Rome and placed in the Eliogabalium; see Dio, lxxix. 12,
1. Since she was frequently identified with the Magna Mater, the Matris
typus of the text probably refers to this image. -- DM]. He declared,
furthermore, that the religions of the Jews and the Samaritans and the
rites of the Christians must also be transferred to this place [this
statement is almost certainly a later addition, for there would be no
significance in a combination of these sects with the cult of
Elagabalus. -- DM], in order that the priesthood of Elagabalus [he
himself bore the title sacerdos amplissimus Dei Solis Elagabali, giving
this sacred office a higher place than that of Pontifex Maximus. -- DM]
might include the mysteries of every form of worship.
IV. Then, when he held his first audience with the senate [on his
arrival in Rome in July, 219 -- DM], he gave orders that his mother
should be asked to come into the senate-chamber. On her arrival she was
invited to a place on the consuls' bench and there she took part in the
drafting -- that is to say, she witnessed the drawing up of the
senate's decree [there is no other voucher for this statement.
According to xii. 3 it was his grandmother Maesa who came into the
senate. -- DM] And Elagabalus was the only one of all the emperors
under whom a woman attended the senate like a man, just as though she
belonged to the senatorial order [Nero's mother Agrippina was allowed
to be present at a meeting of the senate, but concealed behind a
curtain; see Tacitus, Annals, xii. 5. -- DM].
He also established a senaculum [Senaculum properly denotes a place in
which the senators waited while the senate was not in session; the name
seems to have been applied to this gathering of matrons merely for the
purpose of giving it a quasi-political importance. The conventus
matronalis was an organization dating from the early republican period.
Its rulings -- here concerned with matters of court etiquette -- seem
to have received some sort of official recognition and hence are
incorrectly called senatus consulta. -- DM], or women's senate, on the
Quirinal Hill. Before this time, in fact, a congress of matrons had met
here, but only on certain festivals, or whenever a matron was presented
with the insignia of a "consular marriage" -- bestowed by the early
emperors on their kinswomen, particularly on those whose husbands were
not nobles, in order that they might not lose their noble rank [a woman
who married a man of lower status lost her rank, unless authorized to
retain it by Imperial decree. -- DM]. But now under the influence of
Symiamira absurd decrees were enacted concerning rules to be applied to
matrons, namely, what kind of clothing each might wear in public, who
was to yield precedence and to whom, who was to advance to kiss
another, who might ride in a chariot, on a horse, on a pack-animal, or
on an ass, who might drive in a carriage drawn by mules or in one drawn
by oxen, who might be carried in a litter, and whether the litter might
be made of leather, or of bone, or covered with ivory or with silver,
and lastly, who might wear gold or jewels on her shoes.
V. After he had spent the winter in Nicomedia, living in a depraved
manner and indulging in unnatural vice with men, the soldiers soon
began to regret that they had conspired against Macrinus to make this
man emperor, and they turned their thoughts toward his cousin Alexander
[the son of Julia Avita Mamaea, younger daughter of Julia Maesa and
Gessius Marcianus; he was originally called Alexionos (Herodian, v. 3,
3) or Bassianus (Dio, lxxviii. 30, 3), but after he was formally
adopted by Elagabalus in 221 and given the title of Caesar he was known
as M. Aurelius Alexander. On his accession to the throne he took the
name M. Aurelius Severus Alexander. The biography is here in error in
the statement that Alexander received the title of Caesar on the death
of Macrinus. -- DM], who on the murder of Macrinus had been hailed by
the senate as Caesar. For who could tolerate an emperor who indulged in
unnatural lusts of every kind, when not even a beast of this sort would
be tolerated? And even at Rome he did nothing but send out agents to
search for those who had particularly large organs and bring them to
the palace in order that he might enjoy their vigour. Moreover, he used
to have the story of Paris played in his house, and he himself would
take the role of Venus, and suddenly drop his clothing to the ground
and fall naked on his knees, one hand on his breast, the other before
his private parts, his buttocks projecting meanwhile and thrust back in
front of his partner in depravity. He would likewise model the
expression of his face on that with which Venus is usually painted, and
he had his whole body depilated, deeming it to be the chief enjoyment
of life to appear fit and worthy to arouse the lusts of the greatest
number.
VI. He took money for honours and distinctions and positions of power,
selling them in person or through his slaves and those who served his
lusts. He made appointments to the senate without regard to age,
property, or rank, and solely at the price of money, and he sold the
positions of captain and tribune, legate and general, likewise
procuratorships and posts in the Palace. [The same charge is made by
Herodian, v. 3, 6-7. -- DM] The charioteers Protogenes [otherwise
unknown -- DM] and Cordius [called Gordius by Dio, lxxix. 15. 1. He was
appointed praefectus vigilum (xii. 1) but was removed from office at
the demand of the soldiers (xv. 2). -- DM], originally his comrades in
the chariot-race, he later made his associates in his daily life and
actions. Many whose personal appearance pleased him he took from the
stage, the Circus, and the arena and brought to the palace. And such
was his passion for Hierocles [originally a slave from Caria, the pupil
and favourite of Cordius; see Dio, lxxix. 15. In 221 the praetorian
guard forced Elagabalus to dismiss him, together with other of his
unworthy favourites; see xv. 2-4; Dio, lxxix. 19, 3. He was finally
killed by the soldiers after Elagabalus' murder; see Dio, lxxix. 21, 1.
-- DM] that he kissed him in a place which it is indecent even to
mention, declaring that he was celebrating the festival of Flora [an
ancient festival, held 28 April - 3 May; the theatrical performances
held in conjunction with it were characterized by lack of decorum and
even lewdness and were a target for the criticism of early Christian
writers; see Lactantius, Inst., i. 20, 10; Tertullian, de Spect., 17.
-- DM].
He violated the chastity of a Vestal Virgin [Aquilia Severa, whom he
married in early 221, after the divorce of his first wife Paula. --
DM], and by removing the holy shrines he profaned the sacred rites of
the Roman nation. He also desired to extinguish the everlasting fire.
In fact, it was his desire to abolish not only the religious ceremonies
of the Romans but also those of the whole world, his one wish being
that the god Elagabalus should be worshipped everywhere. He even broke
into the sanctuary of Vesta, into which only Vestal Virgins and the
priests may enter [as Pontifex Maximus he was entitled to enter -- DM],
though himself defiled by every moral stain and in the company of those
who had defiled themselves. He also attempted to carry away the sacred
shrine [In the Penus Vestae, the Holy of Holies of the Temple of Vesta,
were preserved various sacred objects which none but the Vestals and
the Pontifex Maximus might look upon. According to Servius (note to
Aeneid, vii. 188), there were seven of these pignora, including the
Palladium. They seem to have been kept in a large earthenware crock;
Plutarch, Camillus xx., records that two such vessels were kept in the
sanctuary, one of which was empty -- a belief which seems to be
responsible for the statements made here. -- DM] , but instead of the
true one he seized only an earthenware one, which the Senior Vestal had
shown him in an attempt to deceive him, and when he found nothing in
it, he threw it down and broke it. The cult, however, did not suffer at
his hands, for several shrines had been made, it is said, exactly like
the true one, in order that none might ever be able to take this one
away. Though this be so, he nevertheless carried away the image which
he believed to be the Palladium, and after washing it over with gold he
placed it in the temple of his god.
VII. He also adopted the worship of the Great Mother and celebrated the
rite of the taurobolium [A rite connected with the worship of Caelestis
and especially with that of the Magna Mater and in great vogue in Rome
in the second and third centuries. Originally a sacrifice of a bull and
a ram, it came to have an especial significance as a rite of
purification and initiation. The neophyte stood in a pit covered with
perforated boards on which a bull was slaughtered. The blood flowing
down upon the person beneath signified his purification and spiritual
rebirth and at the same time his initiation as a priest of the Magna
Mater. -- DM], and he carried off her image and the sacred objects
which are kept hidden in a secret place. He would toss his head to and
fro among the castrated devotees of the goddess, and he infibulated
himself, and did all that the eunuch-priests are wont to do [Orgiastic
rites, including the act of castration practised in connexion with
various eastern cults and especially with the Magna Mater, seem to have
been performed in the worship of the god Elagabalus. It was believed
that magic rites were also celebrated and children sacrificed in his
honour; see viii. 1-2 and Dio, lxxix., 11, 3. -- DM]; and the image of
the goddess which he carried off he placed in the sanctuary of his god.
He also celebrated the rite of Salambo [a Semitic goddess, probably
akin to Aphrodite and Tanith-Caelestis, associated with a ceremony of
lamentation like the mourning for Adonis. -- DM] with all the wailing
and the frenzy of the Syrian cult -- thereby foreshadowing his own
impending doom. In fact, he asserted that all gods were merely the
servants of his god, calling some its chamberlains, others its slaves,
and others its attendants for diverse purposes. And he planned to carry
off from their respective temples the stones which are said to be
divine, among them the emblem of Diana, from its holy place at
Laodicea, where it had been dedicated by Orestes.
Now Orestes, they say, dedicated not merely one image of Diana in one
place, but many and in many places. And after he purified himself at
the Three Rivers in the Hebrus region in obedience to a divine
response, he founded the city of Oresta -- a city destined to be often
stained with human blood. As for this city of Oresta [An ancient
Thracian town called by various names, among them Orestias, re-founded
by Hadrian as Hadrianopolis, now Adrianople. It became famous as the
scene of a battle between Constantine and Licinius in 323 and of the
defeat of Valens by the Goths in 378. Both these battles seem to be
alluded to in this passage, and this has been used as an argument for
the theory that the Historia Augusta was written at the end of the
fourth century. This whole paragraph, however, breaks the continuity of
the narrative and is evidently a later addition. -- DM], Hadrian, after
he had begun to suffer from madness, ordered that it should be called
after his own name -- also acting in obedience to a divine response,
for he had been told to steal into the house or into the name of some
madman. Thereupon, they say, he recovered from his madness, which had
caused him to order the execution of many senators, all of whom,
however, were saved by Antoninus; for he won the surname of Pius by
leading them into the senate after all supposed that they had been put
to death by the Emperor's order.
VIII. Elagabalus also sacrificed human victims, and for this purpose he
collected from the whole of Italy children of noble birth and beautiful
appearance, whose fathers and mothers were alive, intending, I suppose,
that the sorrow, if suffered by two parents, should be all the greater.
Finally, he kept about him every kind of magician and had them perform
daily sacrifices, himself urging them on and giving thanks to the gods
because he found them to be well-disposed to these men; and all the
while he would examine the children's vitals and torture the victims
after the manner of his own native rites.
When he entered upon his consulship he threw presents to the populace
to be scrambled for, no mere pieces of silver and gold, indeed, or
confectionery or little animals, but fatted cattle and camels and asses
and slaves, declaring that this was an imperial custom.
He made a savage attack on the memory of Macrinus and a still more
savage one on that of Diadumenianus because he had received the name
Antoninus -- he called him a "Pseudo-Antoninus" -- and because it was
asserted that from a veritable profligate he had become very brave and
honourable and dignified and austere. And he even forced certain
writers to recount concerning his profligacy some details which were
unspeakable, or, more properly, intolerable to relate, considering that
this was in a biography of him.
He made a public bath in the imperial palace and at the same time threw
open the bath of Plautinus to the populace, that by this means he might
get a supply of men with unusually large organs. He also took care to
have the whole city and the wharves searched for onobeli [i.e. like an
ass in this respect -- DM], as those were called who seemed
particularly lusty.
IX. When he was making plans to take up the war against the Marcomanni,
which Marcus Antoninus had fought with great glory, he was told by
certain persons that it was by the help of astrologers and magicians
that Marcus had made the Marcomanni forever the liegemen and friends of
the Roman people, and that it had been done by means of magic rites and
a dedication. But when he inquired what this was or where it could be
obtained, he could get no response. For it was generally reported that
he inquired about this dedication solely for the purpose of destroying
it, hoping thereby to bring on the war; for he had been told that there
was a prophesy that the Marcomannic war should be ended by an Antoninus
-- whereas he was called Varius, and Elagabalus and a public
laughing-stock, and he was, moreover, a disgrace to the name of
Antoninus, on which he had laid violent hands. This report, moreover,
was spread by those most of all who were aggrieved that men well
equipped for gratifying his lusts and of larger resources were opposed
to themselves. And for this reason they even began to plot his death.
So much for domestic affairs.
X. As for the soldiers, they could not endure to have such a pest
clothed with the name of emperor, and they all expressed their views,
first one to another, then in groups, turning their thoughts to
Alexander, who previously, at the time when Macrinus ws murdered, had
been hailed by the senate as Caesar -- he was the cousin of this
Antoninus, for both were grandsons of Varia, from whom Elagabalus had
the name Varius.
During his reign Zoticus [Aurelius Zoticus, an athlete from Smyrna,
brought to Rome by order of Elagabalus. His father had been a cook and
he was accordingly given the nickname of Mageiros (= cook). For a
further account of him see Dio, lxxix. 16. -- DM] had such influence
that all the chiefs of the palace-departments treated him as their
master's consort. This same Zoticus, furthermore, was the kind to abuse
such a degree of intimacy, for under false pretences he sold all
Elagabalus' promises and favours, and so, as far as he could, he
amassed enormous wealth. To some men he held out threats, and to others
promises, lying to them all, and as he came out from the Emperor's
presence, he would go up to each and say, "In regard to you I said
this," "in regard to you I was told that," and "in regard to you this
action will be taken." That is the way of men of this kind, for, once
admitted to too close an intimacy with a ruler, they sell information
concerning his intentions, whether he be good or bad, and so, through
the stupidity or the innocence of an emperor who does not detect their
intrigues, batten on the shameless hawking of rumours [an implicit
comparison with the policy of Alexander; see Alex., xxiii. 8; lxvii. 2.
-- DM]. With this man Elagabalus went through a nuptial ceremony and
consummated a marriage, even having a bridal-matron and exclaiming, "Go
to work, Cook!" -- and this at a time when Zoticus was ill. After that
he would ask philosophers and even men of the greatest dignity whether
they, in their youth, had ever experienced what he was experiencing --
all without the slightest shame. For indeed he never refrained from
filthy conversation and would make indecent signs with his fingers and
would show no regard for decency even in public gatherings or in the
hearing of the people.
XI. He made his freedmen governors and legates, consuls and generals,
and he brought disgrace on all offices of distinction by the
appointment of base-born profligates. On one occasion he invited the
nobles of the court to a vintage-festival, and when he had seated
himself by the baskets of grapes, he began to ask the most dignified of
them one by one whether he were responsive to Venus, and when the old
men would blush he would cry out, "He is blushing, it's all right!" --
regarding their silence and blushes as a confession. He then narrated
his own doings without any cloak of shame. But when he saw that the
elders blushed and kept silent, because neither their age nor their
dignity was in keeping with such topics, he turned to the young men and
began to question them about all their experiences. And when they told
him what one would expect of their age, he began to be merry, declaring
that a vintage celebrated in such a manner was truly bacchanalian. Many
relate, furthermore, that he was the first to devise the custom of
having slaves make jibes at their masters' expense during a
vintage-festival, even in the hearing of their masters, which jibes he
had composed himself, most of them in Greek; several of these, indeed,
are quoted by Marius Maximus in his Life of Elagabalus. His courtiers,
moreover, were men of depraved life, some of them old men looking like
philosophers, who would do up their hair in nets, declare that they
were living a life of depravity, and boast that they had husbands. Some
say, however, that they only made a pretence of this in order that by
counterfeiting the Emperor's vices they might stand higher in his
favour.
XII. As prefect of the guard he appointed a dancer [probably Valerius
Comazon Eutychianus, a freedman; see Dio, lxxviii. 31, 1; lxxix. 4,
1-2; Herodian, v. 7, 6. He aided in the overthrow of Macrinus and was
appointed prefect of the guard. Later he received the consular insignia
and in 220 was Elagabalus' colleague in the consulship. He was prefect
of the city on three different occasions. -- DM] who had been on the
stage at Rome, as prefect of the watch a chariot-driver named Cordius,
and as prefect of the grain-supply a barber named Claudius [otherwise
unknown -- DM], and to the other posts of distinction he advanced men
whose sole recommendation was the enormous size of their privates. As
collector of the five-per-cent tax on inheritances he appointed a mule
driver, a courier, a cook, and a locksmith. When he went to the Camp or
the Senate-house he took with him his grandmother, Varia by name, whom
I have previously mentioned, in order that through her prestige he
might get greater respect -- for by himself he got none. And never
before this time, as I have already said, did a woman come into the
Senate-chamber or receive an invitation to take part in the drafting of
a decree and express her opinion in the debate. At his banquets he
preferred to have perverts placed next to him and took special delight
in touching or fondling them, and whenever he drank one of them was
usually selected to hand him the cup.
XIII. Among the base actions of his life of depravity he gave orders
that Alexander, whom he had formally adopted, be removed from his
presence, saying that he regretted the adoption. [This account of the
attempt to remove Alexander and the ensuing mutiny of the troops and
the story of Elagabalus' downfall as contained in xiii.-xvii. form a
coherent and seemingly correct narrative, which presents a great
contrast to the ill-arranged and often absurd details contained in the
earlier chapters of this biography. It is evidently taken from a
different source, and it is fuller and clearer than the account of
either Dio or Herodian. -- DM] Then he commanded the senate to take
away from Alexander the name of Caesar. But when this was announced to
the senate, there was a profound silence. For Alexander was an
excellent youth, as was afterwards shown by the character of his rule,
even though, because he was chaste, he was displeasing to his adoptive
father -- he was also, as some declare, his cousin. Besides, he was
loved by the soldiers and acceptable to the senate and the equestrian
order. [According to Herodian, v. 8, 2-3, the soldiers' devotion to him
was strengthened by Mamaea, who secretly distributed money among them.
-- DM] Yet the Emperor's madness went the length of an attempt to carry
out the basest design; for he despatched assassins to kill Alexander,
and that in the following way: Leaving his mother, grandmother, and
cousin in the Palace, he himself withdrew to the Gardens of Spes Vetus
on the ground that he was forming designs against some new youth, and
there he issued an order to slay Alexander, a most excellent young man
and one of whom the state had need. He also sent a written order to the
soldiers bidding them take away from Alexander the name of Caesar, and
he despatched men to smear mud on the inscriptions on his statues in
the Camp, as is usually done to a tyrant. He sent, furthermore, to
Alexander's guardians, ordering them, if they hoped for rewards and
distinctions, to kill him in any way they wished, either in his bath,
or by poison, or with the sword.
XIV. But evil men can accomplish nothing against the upright. For no
power could induce any to commit so great a crime, and the weapons
which he was making ready for others were turned against himself, and
it was by the same violent means that he was directing at others that
he himself was put to death.
But immediately after the inscriptions on Alexander's statues were
smeared with mud, all the soldiers were fired with anger, and they set
out, some for the Palace and some for the gardens where Varius was,
with the purpose of protecting Alexander and finally ridding the state
of this filthy creature full of murderous intent. And when they had
come to the Palace they set a guard about Alexander and his mother and
grandmother and then escorted them with the greatest care to the Camp;
Symiamira, Elagabalus' mother, followed them on foot, filled with
anxiety about her son. Then the soldiers went to the gardens, where
they found Varius making preparations for a chariot-race and at the
same time eagerly awaiting the news of his cousin's murder. Alarmed by
the sudden clatter of the soldiers, he crouched down in a corner and
covered himself with the curtain which was at the door of the
bed-chamber, sending one of the prefects to the Camp to quiet the
soldiers there and the other to placate those who had just entered the
gardens. Then Antiochianus [otherwise unknown, but evidently prefect of
the guard -- DM], one of the prefects, reminded the soldiers who had
come to the gardens of their oath of allegiance and finally persuaded
them not to kill the Emperor -- for, in fact, only a few had come and
the majority had remained with the standard, which the tribune
Aristomachus had kept back. So much for what happened in the gardens.
XV. In the Camp, on the other hand, the soldiers replied to the
entreaties of the prefect that they would spare Elagabalus' life on the
condition that he would send away all his filthy creatures, his
chariot-drivers, and his actors, and return to a decent mode of living,
dismissing particularly those who, to the general sorrow, possessed the
greatest influence over him and sold all his decisions, actual or
pretended. He did, finally, dismiss Hierocles, Cordius, and Mirissimus
[otherwise unknown -- DM] and two other base favourites who were making
him even more of a fool than he was naturally. The soldiers,
furthermore, charged the prefects not to permit him to continue longer
his present mode of living, and also to keep watch over Alexander that
no violence might be done him, and at the same time to prevent the
Caesar from seeing any of the friends of the Augustus, lest he imitate
their baseness. But Elagabalus with earnest entreaties kept demanding
back Hierocles, that most shameless of men, and daily increased his
plotting against Alexander. Finally, on the Kalends of January, he
refused to appear in public with his cousin [for their formal
inauguration as consuls in the temple of Jupiter Optimus Maximus on the
Capitolium. -- DM] -- for they had been designated joint consuls. At
last, however, when he was told by his grandmother and mother that the
soldiers were threatening that they would kill him unless they saw that
harmony was established between himself and his cousin, he put on the
bordered toga and at the sixth hour of the day entered the senate,
inviting his grandmother to the session and escorting her to a seat.
But then he refused to proceed to the Capitolium to assume the vows for
the state and conduct the usual ceremonies, and accordingly everything
was done by the city- praetor, just as if there were no consuls there.
XVI. Nevertheless he did not give up the murder of his cousin, but
first, for fear that if he killed him the senate would only turn to
some one else, he gave orders that the senate should at once leave the
city. Even all those senators who had no carriages or slaves were
ordered to set out at once, some of them being carried by porters,
others using animals that chance threw in their way or that they hired
for money. And because Sabinus [perhaps Fabius Sabinus, later a member
of Alexander's consilium; see Alex., lxviii. 1. -- DM], a man of
consular rank, to whom Ulpian [Domitius Ulpianus, the famous jurist,
often quoted in the Digesta. He had been appointed assistant to
Papinian, the prefect of the guard, by Severus and had held other
cabinet-offices. He was made prefect of the guard by Alexander and had
great influence during the latter's reign. He was finally killed by the
mutinous praetorians; see Dio, lxxx. 2. -- DM] dedicated some of his
books, remained in the city, the Emperor called a centurion and ordered
him to kill him, speaking in a low tone. But the centurion, who was
rather deaf, thought that he was being ordered to eject Sabinus from
the city and acted accordingly; and so a centurion's infirmity saved
Sabinus' life. He dismissed both Ulpian the jurist because he was a
righteous man and Silvinus the rhetorician, whom he had appointed tutor
to Alexander. Silvinus, in fact, was put to death, but Ulpian was
spared.
The soldiers, however, and particularly the members of the guard,
either because they knew what evils were in store for Elagabalus, or
because they foresaw his hatred for themselves, formed a conspiracy to
set the state free. First they attacked the accomplices in his plan of
murdering Alexander, killing some by tearing out their vital organs and
others by piercing the anus, so that their deaths were as evil as their
lives.
XVII. Next they fell upon Elagabalus himself and slew him in a latrine
in which he had taken refuge. Then his body was dragged through the
streets, and the soldiers further insulted it by thrusting it into a
sewer. But since the sewer chanced to be too small to admit the corpse,
they attached a weight to it to keep it from floating, and hurled it
from the Aemilian Bridge [crossing the Tiber at the Forum Boarium,
approximately the position of the modern Ponte Emilio. -- DM] into the
Tiber, in order that it might never be buried. The body was also
dragged around the Circus before it was thrown into the Tiber.
His name, that is to say the name Antoninus, was erased from the public
records by order of the senate [it is erased on many of his
inscriptions -- DM], -- though the name Varius Elagabalus was left --,
for he had used the name Antoninus without valid claim, wishing to be
thought the son of Antoninus. After his death he was dubbed the
"Tiberine" [because his body was thrown into the Tiber -- DM], the
"Dragged," the "Filthy," and many other such names, all of which were
to signify what seemed to have been done during his rule. And he was
the only one of all the emperors whose body was dragged through the
streets, thrust into a sewer, and hurled into the Tiber. This befell
him as the result of the general hatred of all, against which
particularly emperors must be on their guard, since those who do not
win the love of the senate, the people, and the soldiers do not win the
right of burial.
No public works of his are in existence, save the temple of the god
Elagabalus (called by some the Sun, by others Jupiter), the
Amphitheatre [the Colosseum; it had been struck by lightning during the
reign of Macrinus (Dio, lxxvii., 25, 2-3.) -- DM] as restored after its
destruction by fire, and the public bath in the Vicus Sulpicius, begun
by Antoninus, the son of Severus. This bath, in fact, had been
dedicated by Antoninus Caracalla, who bathed in it himself and opened
it to the public, but the portico was left unbuilt, and this was added
after his death by this spurious Antoninus, though actually completed
by Alexander.
XVIII. He was the last of the Antonines (though many think that later
the Gordians had the cognomen Antoninus, whereas they were really
called Antonius and not Antoninus), a man so detestable for his life,
his character, and his utter depravity that the senate expunged from
the records even his name. I myself should not have referred to him as
"Antoninus" save for the sake of identification, which frequently makes
it necessary to use even those names which officially have been
abolished.
With him also was slain his mother Symiamira [according to Dio, lxxix.
20, 2, he was killed in her arms and her body was dragged about the
streets with his. -- DM], a most depraved woman and one worthy of such
a son. And the first measure enacted after the death of Antoninus
Elagabalus provided that no woman should ever enter the senate, and
that whoever should cause a woman to enter, his life should be declared
doomed and forfeited to the kingdom of the dead.
Concerning his life many filthy anecdotes have been put in writing, but
since they are not worthy of being recorded, I have thought I ought to
relate only such deeds as illustrate his extravagance [the rest of this
biography is entirely made up of these anecdotes. -- DM]. Some of
these, it is said, were done before he ascended the throne, others
after he was made emperor; for he himself declared that his models were
Apicius among commoners and, among emperors, Otho and Vitellius.
XIX. For example, he was the first commoner to cover his couches with
golden coverlets -- for this was lawful then by authorization of Marcus
Antoninus, who had sold at public auction all the imperial trappings.
Also, he gave summer-banquets in various colours, one day a green
banquet, another day an iridescent one, and next in order a blue one,
varying them continually every day of the summer. Moreover, he was the
first to use silver urns and casseroles, and vessels of chased silver,
one hundred pounds in weight, some of them spoiled by the lewdest
designs. He was also the first to concoct wine seasoned with mastich
and with pennyroyal and all such mixtures, which our present luxury
retains. And rose-wine, of which he had learned from others, he used to
make more fragrant by adding pulverized pine-cone. In fact, all these
kinds of cups are not met with in books before the time of Elagabalus.
Indeed, for him life was nothing except a search after pleasures. He
was the first to make force-meat of fish, or of oysters of various
kinds or similar shell-fish, or of lobsters, crayfish, and squills. He
used to strew roses and all manner of flowers, such as lilies, violets,
hyacinths, and narcissus, over his banqueting-rooms, his couches and
his porticoes, and then stroll about in them. He would refuse to swim
in a pool that was not perfumed with saffron or some other well-known
essence. And he could not rest easily on cushions that were not stuffed
with rabbit-fur or feathers from under the wings of partridges, and he
used, moreover, to change the pillows frequently.
XX. He often showed contempt for the senate, calling them slaves in
togas, while he treated the Roman people as the tiller of a single farm
and the equestrian order as nothing at all. He frequently invited the
city-prefect to a drinking-bout after a banquet and also summoned the
prefects of the guard, sending a master of ceremonies, in case they
declined, to compel them to come. And he wished to create a
city-prefect for each region of Rome [the plan of Elagabalus seems to
have been carried out, at least in part, by Alexander, who appointed
fourteen curatores of consular rank, representing the fourteen regiones
of the city, to act as assistants and advisors to the prefect of the
city; see Alex., xxxiii. 1. -- DM], thus making fourteen for the city;
and he would have done it, too, had he lived, for he was always ready
to promote men of the basest character and the lowest calling.
He had couches made of solid silver for use in his banqueting-rooms and
his bed-chambers. In imitation of Apicius he frequently ate
camels-heels and also cocks-combs taken from the living birds, and the
tongues of peacocks and nightingales, because he was told that one who
ate them was immune from the plague. He served to the
palace-attendants, moreover, huge platters heaped up with the viscera
of mullets, and flamingo-brains, partridge-eggs, thrush-brains, and the
heads of parrots, pheasants, and peacocks. And the beards of the
mullets that he ordered to be served were so large that they were
brought on, in place of cress or parsley or pickled beans or fenugreek,
in well-filled bowls and disk-shaped platters -- a particularly amazing
performance.
XXI. He fed his dogs on goose-livers. Among his pets he had lions and
leopards, which had been rendered harmless and trained by tamers, and
these he would suddenly order after the dessert and the after-dessert
to get up on the couches, thereby causing an amusing panic, for none
knew that the beasts were harmless. He sent grapes from Apamea to his
stables for his horses, and he fed parrots and pheasants to his lions
and other wild animals. For ten successive days, moreover, he served
wild sows' udders with the matrices, at the rate of thirty a day,
serving, besides, peas with gold-pieces, lentils with onyx, beans with
amber, and rice with pearls; and he also sprinkled pearls on fish and
truffles in lieu of pepper. In a banqueting-room with a reversible
ceiling he once overwhelmed his parasites with violets and other
flowers [Nero did this also (Suetonius, Nero, xxxi.), and a similar
ceiling in the house of Trimalchio is described in Petronius
(Satyricon, lx.). -- DM], so that some of them were actually smothered
to death, being unable to crawl out to the top. He flavoured his
swimming-pools and bath-tubs with essence of spices or of roses or
wormwood. And once he invited the common mob to a drinking-bout, and
himself drank with the populace, taking so much that on seeing what he
alone consumed, people supposed he had been drinking from one of his
swimming-pools. As banquet-favors, he gave eunuchs, or four-horse
chariots, or horses with saddles, or mules, or litters, or carriages,
or a thousand aurei or a hundred pounds of silver.
XXII. At his banquets he would also distribute chances inscribed on
spoons, the chance of one person reading "ten camels," of another "ten
flies," of another "ten pounds of gold," of another "ten pounds of
lead," of another "ten ostriches," of another "ten hens-eggs," so that
they were chances indeed and men tried their luck. These he also gave
at his games, distributing chances for ten bears or ten dormice, ten
lettuces or ten pounds of gold. Indeed he was the first to introduce
this practice of giving chances, which we still maintain. And the
performers too he invited to what really were chances, giving as prizes
a dead dog or a pound of beef, or else a hundred aurei, or a hundred
pieces of silver, or a hundred coppers, and so on. All this so pleased
the populace that after each occasion they rejoiced that he was emperor.
XXIII. He gave a naval spectacle, it is said, on the Circus-canals,
which had been filled with wine, and he sprinkled the people's cloaks
with perfume made from the wild grape; also he drove a chariot drawn by
four elephants on the Vatican Hill [The Circus Vaticanus was
constructed by Caligula at the north end of the Janiculum (the present
site of the Church of St. Peter). Under Nero it was the scene of the
tortures inflicted on the Christians; see Tacitus, Annals, xv. 44. The
context of the present passage, however, seems to indicate that it was
not this circus that was the scene of Elagabalus' exploit, but the
immediate vicinity, generally known as Vaticanum, where remains of
tombs have been discovered. -- DM], destroying the tombs which
obstructed the way, and he harnessed four camels to a chariot at a
private spectacle in the Circus. It is also said that he collected
serpents with the aid of priests of the Marsic nation [an ancient
people of central Italy living around the Lacus Fucinus or Lago di
Celano, which has recently been drained; they were famous as
snake-charmers; see Vergil, Aeneid, vii. 753-755; Pliny, Nat. Hist.,
vii. 15; xxv. 30; Gellius, Noct. Atticae, xvi. 11. -- DM] and suddenly
let them loose before dawn, when the populace usually assembled for the
more frequented games, and many people were injured by their fangs as
well as in the general panic. He would wear a tunic made wholly of
cloth of gold, or one made of purple, or a Persian one studded with
jewels, and at such times he would say that he felt oppressed by the
weight of his pleasures. He even wore jewels on his shoes, sometimes
engraved ones -- a practice which aroused the derision of all, as if,
forsooth, the engraving of famous artists could be seen on jewels
attached to his feet. He wished to wear also a jeweled diadem in order
that his beauty might be increased and his face look more like a
woman's; and in his own house he did wear one. He promised a phoenix to
some guests, it is said, or in lieu of the bird a thousand pounds of
gold, and thus sum he handed out in the imperial residence. He
constructed swimming-pools filled with sea-water in places especially
far from the coast, and would hand them over to individual friends who
swam in them, or at another time he would fill one with fish. One
summer he made a mountain of snow in the pleasure-garden attached to
his house, having snow carried there for the purpose. When on the
sea-coast he never ate fish, but in places most remote from the sea he
regularly served all manner of sea-food, and the country-folk in the
interior he fed with the milt of lampreys and pikes.
XXIV. The fish that he ate were cooked in a bluish sauce that preserved
their natural colour, as though they were still in the sea-water. He
supplied swimming-pools that he used for the moment with essence of
roses and with the flowers themselves, and when he bathed with all his
courtiers he would furnish oil of nard for the hot-rooms; he also
furnished balsam-oil for the lamps. He never had intercourse with the
same woman twice except with his wife, and he opened brothels in his
house for his friends, his clients, and his slaves. He never spent less
on a banquet than one hundred thousand sesterces, that is, thirty
pounds of silver [Sestertium is regularly used to denote the sum of
1000 sestertii. The evaluation of 100,000 sestertii = 30 lbs. of
silver, however, presents a difficult problem, for the biographer is
not using the system in vogue under Elagabalus. According to Mommsen
(Ges. Schr., vii. p. 316), he has confused the sestertius with the
depreciated denarius of the time of Diocletian, of which 50,000 = 1 lb.
gold, or approximately 3700 = 1 lb. silver. -- DM]; and sometimes he
even spent as much as three million when all the cost was computed. In
fact, he even outdid the banquets of Vitellius and Apicius. He would
take fish from his ponds by the ox-load, and then, as he passed through
the market, bewail the public poverty. He used to bind his parasites to
a water-wheel and, by a turn of the wheel, plunge them into the water
and then bring them back to the surface again, calling them meanwhile
river-Ixions. He used Lacedaemonian stone [A green porphyry -- now
called serpentino -- quarried near Croceae, in southern Laconia close
to the modern village of Stephania. The red porphyry, brought from
Egypt, was used in Rome in enormous quantities. The mosaic pavements
made of these stones were afterwards called opus Alexandrinum; see
Alex., xxv. 7. -- DM] and porphyry to pave the open spaces in the
Palace, which he called Antonine; this pavement lasted down to within
our own memory but was lately torn up and destroyed. And he planned to
erect a single column of enormous size, which could be ascended inside,
and to place on its summit the god Elagabalus, but he could not find
enough stone, even though he planned to bring it from the district of
Thebes.
XXV. When his friends became drunk he would often shut them up, and
suddenly during the night let in his lions and leopards and bears --
all of them harmless -- so that his friends on awakening at dawn, or
worse, during the night, would find lions and leopards and bears in the
room with themselves; and some even died from this cause. Some of his
humbler friends he would seat on air-pillows instead of on cushions and
let out the air while they were dining, so that often the diners were
suddenly found under the table. Finally, he was the first to think of
placing a semi-circular group on the ground instead of on couches, with
the purpose of having the air-pillows loosened by slaves who stood at
the feet of the guests and the air thus let out.
When adultery was represented on the stage, he would order what was
usually done in pretense to be carried out in fact. He often purchased
harlots from all the procurers and then set them free. Once during a
private conversation the question arose as to how many ruptured people
there were in the city of Rome, and he thereupon issued an order that
all should be noted and brought to his baths, and then he bathed with
them, some of them being men of distinction. Before a banquet he would
frequently watch gladiatorial fights and boxing matches, and he had a
couch spread for himself in an upper gallery and during luncheon
exhibited criminals in a wild-beast hunt [also related of Lucius Verus;
see Verus, iv. 9. -- DM]. His parasites would often be served during
dessert with food made of wax or wood or ivory, sometimes of
earthenware, or at times even of marble or stone; so that all that he
ate himself would be served to them too, but different in substance and
only to be looked at, and all the while they would merely drink with
each course and wash their hands, just as if they really had eaten.
XXVI. He was the first of the Romans, it is said, who wore clothing
wholly of silk [his fondness for silk clothing is also mentioned by
Herodian, v. 5, 4. Its use was forbidden by later emperors. -- DM],
although garments partly of silk were in use before his time. Linen
that had been washed he would never touch, saying that washed linen was
worn only by beggars. He would often appear in public after dinner
dressed in a Dalmatian tunic [a mixture of silk and linen or cotton --
ordinarily called sericum. Under Tiberius men were forbidden to wear it
(Tacitus, Annals, ii. 33, 1), but Caligula, nevertheless, appeared in
public thus clad (Suetonius, Caligula, lii.). Elagabalus gave garments
of this sort as presents; see xxix. 6. -- DM], and then he would call
himself Fabius Gurges or Scipio [presumably he meant Q. Fabius Maximus
Gurges, consul 292, 276, 265 B.C. No such incident, however, as that
described in the text is known, nor can the Scipio be identified. The
Dalmaticus was not in use in the republican period, but long-sleeved
tunics were worn, though generally considered effeminate; see Gellius,
Noct. Atticae, vi. (vii.) 12. -- DM], because he was wearing the same
kind of clothing which Fabius and Cornelius wore when in their youth
they were brought out in public by their parents in order to improve
their manners.
He gather together in a public building all the harlots from the
Circus, the theatre, the Stadium and all other places of amusement, and
from the public baths, and then delivered a speech to them, as one
might to soldiers, calling them "comrades" and discoursing upon various
kinds of postures and debaucheries. Afterwards he invited to a similar
gathering procurers, catamites collected together from all sides, and
lascivious boys and young men. And whereas he had appeared before the
harlots in a woman's costume and with protruding bosom, he met the
catamites in the garb of a boy who is exposed for prostitution. After
his speech he announced a largess of three aurei for each, just as if
they were soldiers, and asked them to pray the gods that they might
find others to recommend to him.
He used, too, to play jokes on his slaves, even ordering them to bring
him a thousand pounds of spiders-webs and offering them a prize; and he
collected, it is said, ten thousand pounds, and then remarked that one
could realize from that how great a city was Rome. He also used to send
to his parasites jars of frogs, scorpions, snakes, and other such
reptiles, as their yearly allowance of provisions, and he would shut up
a vast number of flies in jars of this sort and call them tamed bees.
XXVII. He often brought four-horse chariots from the Circus into his
banqueting-rooms or porticoes while he lunched or dined, compelling his
guests to drive, even though they were old men and some of them had
held public office. Even when emperor, he would give an order to bring
in to him ten thousand mice, a thousand weasels, or a thousand
shrew-mice. So skillful were his confectioners and dairymen, that all
the various kinds of food that were served by his cooks, either
meat-cooks or fruit-cooks, they also would serve up, making them now
out of confectionery or again out of milk-products. His parasites he
would serve with dinners made of glass, and at times he would send to
their table only embroidered napkins with pictures of the viands that
were set before himself, as many in number as the courses which he was
to have, so that they were served only with representations made by the
needle or the loom. Sometimes, however, paintings too were displayed to
them, so that they were served with the whole dinner, as it were, but
were all the while tormented by hunger. He would also mix jewels with
apples and flowers, and he would throw out of the window quite as much
food as he served to his friends. He gave an order, too, that an amount
of public grain equal to one year's tribute should be given to all the
harlots, procurers, and catamites who were within the walls, and
promised an equal amount to those without, for, thanks to the foresight
of Severus and Trajan, there was in Rome at that time a store of grain
equal to seven years' tribute.
XXVIII. He would harness four huge dogs to a chariot and drive about
within the royal residence, and he did the same thing, before he was
made emperor, on his country-estates. He even appeared in public
driving four stags of vast size. Once he harnessed lions to his chariot
and called himself the Great Mother, and on another occasion, tigers,
and called himself Dionysus; and he always appeared in the particular
garb in which the deity that he was representing was usually depicted.
He kept at Rome tiny Egyptian snakes, called by the natives "good
genii" [apparently the sacred healing snake of the god Knuphis (Chnum),
often represented, sometimes with a lion's head, on gems and amulets.
-- DM] besides hippopotami, a crocodile, and a rhinoceros, and, in
fact, everything Egyptian which was of such a kind that it could be
supplied. And sometimes at his banquets he served ostriches, saying
that the Jews had been commanded to eat them.
It seems indeed a surprising thing that he is said to have done when he
invited men of the highest rank to a luncheon and covered a
semi-circular couch with saffron-flowers, and then said that he was
providing them with the kind of hay that their rank demanded [i.e.
likening them to oxen -- DM]. The occupations of the day he performed
at night, and those of the night in the daytime, and he considered it a
mark of luxury to wait until a late hour before rising from sleep and
beginning to hold levee, and also to remain awake until morning. He
received his courtiers every day, and he seldom let any go without a
gift, save for those whom he found to be thrifty, for he regarded these
as worthless.
XXIX. His chariots were made of jewels and gold, for he scorned those
that were merely of silver of ivory or bronze. He would harness women
of the greatest beauty to a wheel-barrow in fours, in twos, or in
threes or even more, and would drive them about, usually naked himself,
as were also the women who were pulling him.
He had the custom, moreover, of asking to a dinner eight bald men, or
else eight one-eyed men, or eight men who suffered from gout, or eight
deaf men, or eight men of dark complexion, or eight tall men, or,
again, eight fat men, his purpose being, in the case of these last,
since they could not be accommodated on one couch, to call forth
general laughter. He would present to his guests all the silver-plate
that he had in the banqueting-room and all the supply of goblets, and
he did it very often too. He was the first Roman emperor to serve at a
public banquet fish-pickle [Garum was a preparation made from the
entrails of fish, particularly the mackerel, which were salted down and
allowed to ferment. The liquid thus formed was called garum. -- DM]
mixed with water, for previously this had been only a soldier's dish --
a usage which later was promptly restored by Alexander. He would
propose to his guests, furthermore, by way of a feat, that they should
invent new sauces for giving flavour to the food, and he would offer a
very large prize for the man whose invention should please him, even
presenting him with a silk garment -- then regarded as a rarity and a
mark of honour. On the other hand, if the sauce did not please him, the
inventor was ordered to continue eating it until he invented a better
one. Of course he always sat among flowers or perfumes of great value,
and he loved to hear the prices of the food served at his table
exaggerated, asserting it was an appetizer for the banquet.
XXX. He got himself up as a confectioner, a perfumer, a cook, a
shop-keeper, or a procurer, and he even practised all these occupations
in his own house continually. At one dinner where there were many
tables he brought in the heads of six hundred ostriches in order that
the brains might be eaten. Occasionally he gave a banquet in which he
would serve twenty-two courses of extraordinary viands, and between
each course he and his guests would bathe and dally with women, all
taking an oath that they were deriving enjoyment. And once he gave a
banquet in which one course was served in the house of each guest, and
although one lived on the Capitoline Hill, one on the Palatine, one
beyond the Rampart [the Agger Tarquinii Superbi was that portion of the
so-called "Wall of Servius Tullius" (probably a work of the early
republican period) which protected Rome on the east, running over the
level tops of the Quirinal and Esquiline Hills; see Pliny, Nat. Hist.,
iii. 67. -- DM], one on the Caelian Hill, and one across the Tiber,
nevertheless each course was served in order in one of the houses, and
they went about to the homes of all. It was difficult, therefore, to
finish the banquet within a whole day, especially as between the
courses they bathed and dallied with women. He always served a course
of Sybariticum, consisting of oil and fish-pickle, which the men of
Sybaris invented in the year in which they all perished. It is further
related of him that he constructed baths in many places, bathed in them
once, and immediately demolished them, merely in order that he might
not derive any advantage from them. And he is said to have done the
same with houses, imperial headquarters, and summer-dwellings. However,
these and some other things which surpass credence, I believe to have
been fabricated by those who wished to vilify Elagabalus in order to
curry favour with Alexander.
XXXI. He purchased, it is said, a very famous and very beautiful harlot
for one hundred thousand sesterces, and then kept her untouched, as
though she were a virgin. When some one asked him before he was made
emperor, "Are you not afraid of becoming poor?" he replied, so they
say, "What could be better than that I should be my own heir, and my
wife's too?" He had abundant means besides, bequeathed to him by many
out of regard for his father. Furthermore, he said that he did not wish
to have sons, lest one of them should chance to be thrifty. He would
have perfumes from India burned without any coals in order that the
fumes might fill his apartments. Even while a commoner he never made a
journey with fewer than sixty wagons, though his grandmother Varia used
to protest that he would squander all his substance; but after he
became emperor he would take with him, it is said, as many as six
hundred, asserting that the king of the Persians travelled with ten
thousand camels and Nero with five hundred carriages [according to
Suetonius, Nero, xxx. 3, never with fewer than a thousand. -- DM]. The
reason for all these vehicles was the vast number of his procurers and
bawds, harlots, catamites and lusty partners in depravity. In the
public baths he always bathed with the women, and he even treated them
himself with a depilatory ointment, which he applied also to his own
beard, and shameful though it be to say it, in the same place where the
women were treated and at the same hour. He shaved his minions' groins,
using the razor with his own hand -- with which he would then shave his
own beard. He would strew gold and silver dust about a portico and then
lament that he could not strew the dust of amber also; and he did this
often when he proceeded on foot to his horse or his carriage, as they
do today with golden sand [the allusion is obscure; the custom seems to
be analogous to that of Caligula and Nero, who had the sand of the
Circus sprinkled with chrysocolla, a silicate of copper, in order to
give it a greenish colour -- DM].
XXXII. He never put on the same shoes twice and never, it is said, wore
the same ring a second time. He often tore up costly garments. Once he
took a whale and weighed it and then sent his friends its weight in
fish. He sank some heavily laden ships in the harbour and then said
that this was a sign of greatness of soul. He used vessels of gold for
relieving himself and his urinals were made of murra or onyx. And he is
said to have remarked: "If I ever have an heir, I shall appoint a
guardian for him, to make him do what I myself have done and intend to
do." He was accustomed, furthermore, to have dinners served to him of
the following kind: one day he would eat nothing at all but pheasant,
serving only pheasant-meat at every course; another day he would serve
only chicken, another some kind of fish and again a different kind,
again pork, or ostrich, or greens, or fruit, or sweets, or
dairy-products. He would often shut up his friends in halting-places
for the night with old hags from Ethiopia and compel them to stay there
until morning, saying that the most beautiful women were kept in these
places. He did this same thing with boys too -- for then, before the
time of Philip [the emperor Philippus Arabs. His prohibition of this
vice is also recorded in Alex., xxiv. 4, and Victor, Caes., xxviii. 6.
-- DM] that is, such a thing was lawful. Sometimes he laughed so loud
in the theatre that no one else could be heard by the audience. He
could sing and dance, play the pipes, the horn and the pandura [a
musical instrument with three strings, probably resembling the lute;
the name has been perpetuated in a modern Italian instrument of the
mandolin type. -- DM], and he also performed on the organ. On one
single day, it is said, he visited every prostitute from the Circus,
the theatre, the Amphitheatre, and all the public places of Rome,
covering his head with a muleteer's cap in order to escape recognition;
he did not, however, gratify his passions, but merely gave an aureus to
each prostitute, saying as he did so: "Let no one know it, but this is
a present from Antoninus."
XXXIII. He invented certain new kinds of vice, even going beyond the
perverts used by the debauchees of old, and he was well acquainted with
all the arrangements of Tiberius, Caligula, and Nero.
The prophecy had been made to him by some Syrian priests that he would
die a violent death. And so he had prepared cords entwined with purple
and scarlet silk, in order that, if need arose, he could put an end to
his life by the noose. He had gold swords, too, in readiness, with
which to stab himself, should any violence impend. He also had poisons
ready, in ceraunites and sapphires and emeralds, with which to kill
himself if destruction threatened. And he also built a very high tower
from which to throw himself down, constructed of boards gilded and
jeweled in his own presence, for even his death, he declared, should be
costly and marked by luxury, in order that it might be said that no one
had ever died in this fashion. But all these preparations availed him
nothing, for, as we have said, he was slain by common soldiers, dragged
through the streets, contemptuously thrust into sewers, and finally
cast into the Tiber.
He was the last of those in public life to bear the name Antoninus, and
all knew that in the case of this "Antoninus" his life was as false as
his name.
XXXIV. It may perhaps seem strange to some, revered Constantine, that
such a scourge as I have described should ever have sat on the throne
of the emperors, and, moreover, for nearly three years. Such was the
lack at that time in the state of any who could remove him from the
government of Rome's majesty, whereas a deliverer from the tyrant had
not been wanting in the case of Nero, Vitellius, Caligula [Nero
committed suicide; Vitellius was killed by the soldiers of Vespasian;
Caligula was assassinated by a tribune of the praetorian guard. -- DM],
and other such emperors. But first of all I ask for pardon for having
set down in writing what I have found in various authors, even though I
have passed over in silence many vile details and those things which
may not even be spoken of without the greatest shame. But whatever I
have told you, I have covered up as best I could by the use of veiled
terms. Then too I have always believed that we must remember what Your
Clemency is wont to say: "It is Fortune that makes a man emperor."
There have indeed been unrighteous rulers and even very base ones. But,
as Your Piety is wont to declare, men must look to it that those be
worthy of the imperial office whom the power of Fate has called to the
destiny of being emperor. Furthermore, since this man was the last of
the Antonines and never again did one of this name appear in public
life as emperor, the following fact must also be mentioned, in order
that no confusion may arise when I shall begin to tell of the two
Gordians, father and son, who desired to be called after the family of
the Antonines: in the first place, they had not the same surname but
only the praenomen of the Antonines; in the second, as I find in many
books, their name was Antonius, not Antoninus.
XXXV. So much concerning Elagabalus, the details of whose life you have
wished me, though unwilling and reluctant, to gather together from
Greek and Latin books and to set down in writing and present to you,
inasmuch as I have already presented the lives of earlier emperors.
Now I shall begin to write of emperors who followed after. Of these the
most righteous and the most worthy of careful narration was Alexander
(who was emperor for thirteen years, whereas the others ruled for but
six months or at most for one or two years), the most distinguished was
Aurelian, but the glory of them all was Claudius, the founder of your
family. About this man I fear to tell the truth in writing to Your
Clemency, lest I may seem to the malicious to be a flatterer; but yet I
shall be delivered from the envy of evil men, inasmuch as I have seen
that in the eyes of others also he was most illustrious. To these
rulers must be joined Diocletian, father of the golden age, and
Maximian, father of the iron, as they commonly say, and all the others
down to the time of Your Piety. But as for you, O revered Augustus, you
shall receive honour in the many and more eloquent pages of those to
whom a more kindly nature has granted this boon. To these emperors we
must add Licinius and Maxentius, all whose power has been made subject
to your sway, writing of them, however, in such a way that full justice
shall be done to their prowess. For I will not, as is the wont of many
writers, detract from the greatness of those who have been vanquished,
since I perceive that if, in writing of them, I shall tell the whole
truth concerning the noble qualities which they possessed, it will but
enhance your glory.
Reviews:
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
heliogabalus
[2004, w.m.o/r]
there's a beautiful predictability that's built up in cover art; enough to fuel a handy flowchart style buying guide for those with no clue/no experience. even the slowest would catch on to unwritten currents that govern the majority of covers: punk psychedelia almost certainly equates to noisy drone/psych, minimalist with clean lines as eai, etc... recognising and rejecting the expected can land you with praise, even if the image itself is superficially quite banal; you only need look as far as the much-vaunted constable-esque riverscape gracing the cover of los glissandinos' latest foray into minimal eai. so while heliogabalus' tourettes is normal release may be striking, it still falls prey to immediately suggesting connections, with esoteric classical references and antiquated doodles gracing the cover. if i was cynical (guilty) and presumptious (also, totally) then it all suggests someone has a healthy a handful of dust fetish going on.
while
you don't have to have a deep understanding of certain facets of the
kiwi underground to guess this is going to be somewhat noisy, there's
actually quite a lot more than jaded, dismissive assumptions might give
it credit for. first off, the lineup of david mitchell and matthew
hyland (of ghost club/3Ds and spud respectively) aren't
exactly known for their blues/noise/sludge jams. even a profile of
mitchell in the local paper took the time to name four of mitchell's
five bands, before breaking out a semi-dismissive reference to "an
improvisational band he plays in with hyland". hyland, i'm more
familiar with for the writing he does for a low/no-run australasian
arts zine, which mostly consists of feverish political tracts of
varying degrees of seperation from reality; the outermost exhibiting a
dazzling mania.but anyway, a lot of talk so far given i haven't really covered the album at all... well, it's short, at 26 minutes, and devoted entirely to a single track. those (like myself) who were expecting handful of dust-esque scree/feedback structures have to re-evaluate. essentially what you get is a strange noise automatism, a stream of conciousness take on white-house era dead c blues, tinged with a certain, vaguely oriental influence that permeates the piece. kicking off with a disorted chime/guitar attack, it soon settles down into hazy, locked minimalist grooves with guitar quite sweetly shrilling out ecstatic runs up the register. mitchell seems content (or maybe by reflex, unable to avoid) letting it settle into almost-song forms in spots, but it never strays too far from the dynamic exhibited in the damaged opening blast. anyone with an interest in this sort of... well, i guess you can almost call it kiwi-noise classicism? would do well to look out for their split lp, which i've heard is culled from the same tapes.
as an addendum to all this (and if the dead c comparisons weren't stacking up quite heavily enough), you can find a live performance with michael morley, as well as the actual album in question, shared legally for one and all on mattin's mp3-dump website here.
reviewed by blackandgold
Noise Gate (UK, n.13
March 2006)
Helioglablus Tourette is normal
(excerpt 2). Is one track 26 mins & 17 seconds.
Hearing An ice-cream van on a hot summers day in the moments of coming to after collapsing from sunstroke, the effect of walking around in the sun, in a confused LSD induced drift , like a lost modernist at Stonehenge free festival. As lucidity progresses you become aware of distorted spangley guitars accompanied by equally distorted keyboards, like the ice cream van, it had a remnant of a tune within the cacophony, the suns beating down, the guitars and keyboards are going berserk your head is starting to spin.
GIAG (a.k.a. Gaze Into A Gloom)
- electronic music & non-music website. (Latvia)
While
listening to this weird improvised experimental instrumentation, I feel
numb... A world I sometimes don't feel able at all to understand or
perceive? If you do appreciate cacophonic electronic arrangements,
Heliogabalus should please you. For sure an original approach of making
music!
Merje
Lõhmus (a.k.a. Mad Sister), 2004
The Sound Projector . n.13 (UK)
A highly
entertaining 27-minute burst of insane, distorted
malarkey-noise...primitive, wild and colourful lo-fi electronica and
guitar
work to revitalise the jaded palette. Imaginary wild guitar solos are
being
fed in real time through a digital mincer and relayered with mad organ
attacks, falling at random into incoherent, strangely compelling shapes.
What times we live in when, with the correct tools in his hands, it
seems
that any man may build for himself a music-box from Hell! Nothing much
is
known about this clown Heliogabalus, who filches his name from a genuine
figure in Roman history and wraps this CDR in some splendid etching-like
images of a cutaway view of head and a tattooed guy with a large penis,
and
with message inscribed on said penis...the cutaway head image suggests,
with
some accuracy, the damage that this hard-edged noise will wreak on your
sensitive bonce. Any damage inflicted by tattooed penis, however, we
take no
responsibility for. Spaniard Mattin (whose label this graces) certainly
manages to find some real eccentric characters out there...
ED PINSENT 18/09/2004
Autsaider issue 5
(Ukrania)
Marcus
Aurelius Heliogabalus (or Elagabalus), Roman emperor (218-222 AD). He
was the high priest of an old Mesopotamian cult of Sol Invictus. He’s
rumoured to have worked as a prostitute disguising himself as a girl,
at nights, and to have promised half the Roman Empire to the physician
who could implant vagina in him. Rebellious soldiers killed him at the
age of eighteen – it was a typical death for the Roman emperor in the
3rd century. It’s not known why New Zealand musicians chose this name
as the moniker for their project, but this compact disc features no
ancient Roman cult music. There’s only one 26-minute distorted guitar
noise piece that sounds like an extended solo for “I Heard Her Call My
Name”, i.e. disorderly, screaming, harsh.
Roman
Pishchalov
Марк Аврелій Антонін Геліоґабал (або Елаґабал), римський імператор, правив у 218 – 222 рр. після Р.Х. Був верховним жрецем старовинного месопотамського культу Непереможного Сонця (Sol Invictus). Чутки кажуть, що ночами він працював повією, видаючи себе за дівчину, та бажав зробити собі операцію по зміні статі. Вбитий у віці 18 років повсталими солдатами (звичайна смерть для римського імператора у III ст. після Р.Х.). Чому новозеландські музиканти вибрали для свого проекту це ім’я – невідомо, але ніякої давньоримської культової музики на цьому компакт-диску немає. Є 26 хвилин нойзу гітари з дісторшеном, що звучать як тривале соло для “I Heard Her Call My Name”, себто безладно, верескливо, шумно.
Роман Піщалов